It’s about finding a balance between school and world domination
“I am more than a mad scientist determined to see the world conform to my every whim,” said Jeremy Bearimy, student at UC Davis. “And it’s exhausting that people only see me like that. I mean, I am a real person! I am multidimensional. It’s not all killer robots and laser beams.
Bearimy is in his third year of a double major in Political and Evil Science, and although he has won several awards for his Great Wickedness inventions, he wants the world to know that he is more than just a death ray. When asked for an interview with some very compelling giant robot ants, I had the pleasure of sitting down with Bearimy and digging into the great mind behind the lactose intolerance anator and the smoke bomb. spider.
“Evil science has been in my family for generations. And even though I love her, I always felt like I needed to be more, you know? My dad got me to apply for Scholarships for Evil Maniacs, but college is supposed to be the time when I can experiment and be myself, ”Bearimy said. “I don’t want to look back after taking over the world and feel like I missed all the ultimate frisbee and acapella bands.”
The double major in Political and Evil Science started making strides last year after joining the school’s all-male acapella group, Tone Deaf. The group won the national championships last year thanks to Bearimy’s new “Boy Band-anator,” which gave every member of the group rippling abs, auto-tuning vocals and awful late ’90s fashions. While many opposing groups complained that the use of such a device was considered cheating, Bearimy’s “Put Them Somewhere Else-anator” was able to forcibly teleport any of their competitors to the moon, forcing a victory by default.
But it didn’t stop there. Bearimy also attended this year’s ASUCD Open Mic in CoHo, where his talk about the chemical reaction that makes airline foods taste bad killed the crowds.
Not literally of course, but most of the crowd passed out from all the laughing gas bombs Bearimy had dropped throughout his performance.
“So this is for you my comrades. If a little Jeremy with barely an understanding of quantum laser physics can grow to be an acapella star, then so can you. Follow your dreams and you can take over the world. Just like I did.
Lord Bearimy, ruler of mankind and amazingly handsome guy, is more than the super god of science who controls all aspects of our reality. He’s also like any other student who puts on his lab coat and evil science glasses one step at a time. All praise Lord Bearimy.
Written by: Ian Cosner – [email protected]
Warning: (This article is humorous and / or satirical, and its content is purely fictitious. The story and / or the names of “sources” are fictitious.)